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I am a serving Police officer in a small northern force, I am approaching 15 years service and have always been a front line response PC. Last year was the worst in my service for the number of fatal RTA's and suicides I had to deal with. I had several people die on me and even went to a hanging with a local lad i knew on my beat. My routine enquiries and daily activities became overwhelming and I struggled to cope. Since the police budget cuts started I went from a shift of x4 PC's & x1 Sgt to just me a lot of the time. In November 2016 I had a breakdown at work, my Sgt came to see me, she was great and I went home. I was sick for two months with stress/anxiety, i got some counselling from our welfare dept and a prescription for beta blockers and anti depressants. I tried to go back to work on a phased return, within two weeks I couldn't cope at all. Man emotional wreck, not eating, sleeping severe anxiety, exhaustion, flashbacks to fatals, panic attacks....... I was signed off from January 2017 till June 2017, Ive had EMDR treatment for PTSD. When I returned to work in June I was overwhelmed and my anxiety came back, the thought of going back to response Policing is making me ill again. I have remained at work this time as I don't want to be off sick, Ive enjoyed most of my service but feel emotionally wiped out and not the same strong person I used to be. I have no other aspirations and want to see my service out, it's taken me 8 months to admit that response Policing and the stresses that go with it, is making me ill. I have an appointment in the next few weeks to see the force doctor, up to now I have always tried to put a brave face on to him and say i want to go back to response. What the hell should I say to him this time, I want to stay in the job and am as worried I'll get the boot!