Resident Members
  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Everything posted by Graham

  1. One for Maverick

    Hazel Blears fell foul of a witch-hunt in Westminster, when Gordon Brown, fearing her clairvoyant powers, had her imprisoned. After a while she managed to escape. The Sun headlined their story: Small medium at large.
  2. Click US man claims to be NY boy who vanished in 1955 More than 50 years after a 2-year-old boy disappeared from outside a bakery in New York, a man from Michigan has come forward to claim that he was the missing child. A Michigan man approached authorities and said he believed that he was Steven Damman. The unidentified Michigan man said he never fit in with the family he grew with up, an official familiar with the investigation told The Associated Press. The man believed he might be a missing person and learned of the Damman's story by researching cases around the nation, the official said. The missing boy's father, Jerry Damman, said he was hopeful the man is his son. "After all those years, you kind of lost all hope," he said on Tuesday. The case was referred to the FBI and authorities are awaiting DNA results to determine if the man's claim is true........ This story is being widely followed here. Does anyone have any further information?
  3. These are in today's Times, although a few of them are emininently sensible. 25. It is illegal for a cab in the City of London to carry rabid dogs or corpses. 24. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament. 23. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside down. 22. In France, it is forbidden to call a pig Napoleon. 21. Under the UK’s Tax Avoidance Schemes Regulations 2006, it is illegal not to tell the taxman anything you don’t want him to know, though you don’t have to tell him anything you don’t mind him knowing. (When you're under investigation by the Revenue you are held to be guilty & it is up to you to prove your innocence.) 20. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle. 19. In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk. 18. Royal Navy ships that enter the Port of London must provide a barrel of rum to the Constable of the Tower of London. 17. In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet. 16. In Lancashire, no person is permitted after being asked to stop by a constable on the seashore to incite a dog to bark. 15. In Miami, Florida, it is illegal to skateboard in a police station. 14. In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation. 13. In England, all men over the age of 14 must carry out two hours of longbow practice a day. 12. In London, Freemen are allowed to take a flock of sheep across London Bridge without being charged a toll; they are also allowed to drive geese down Cheapside. 11. In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad. 10. In the UK, a man who feels compelled to urinate in public can do so only if he aims for his rear wheel and keeps his right hand on his vehicle. (Actually, this used to apply only to taxi drivers in London. I believe it was repealed recently.) 9. In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed. 8. In Kentucky, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon more than six-feet long. 7. In Chester, Welshmen are banned from entering the city before sunrise and from staying after sunset. 6. In the city of York, it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow. (It is actually legal to kill a Scotsman in York on a Saturday but if you use of a bow and arrow. It's unlawful to murder anyone.) 5. In Boulder, Colorado, it is illegal to kill a bird within the city limits and also to “own” a pet – the town’s citizens, legally speaking, are merely “pet minders”. 4. In Vermont, women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. 3. In London, it is illegal to flag down a taxi if you have the plague. 2. In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals but is forbidden from looking directly at them during the examination; he may only see their reflection in a mirror. 1. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast is legally the property of the King; the tail, on the other hand, belongs to the Queen - in case she needs the bones for her corset. Graham2007-12-02 08:48:30
  4. Click Jack Straw, the Justice Secretary, has refused Biggs' application for parole. At least Straw's got that right. Biggs only gave himself up because he couldn't afford his medical treatment. If he'd served his sentence he'd have been out in 1994, at the latest, so I haven't that much sympathy for him in his attempts to get let out.
  5. Things never to say to a woman during an argument: Don't you have some laundry to do or something? Oh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off. You're just upset because your ass is beginning to spread. Wait a minute--I get it. What time of the month is it? You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one? Sorry. I was just picturing you naked. Whoa, time out. Football is on. Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning! Is there any way we can do this via e-mail? Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.Graham2009-06-09 17:28:14
  6. I'm sorry, I'm not familar with the term 'bitch'. I'd like a steak tartare, rare, with sauted potatoes, petit pois, & a Chardonnay to follow. Who left this 10p piece on the floor of the shower? Officer! Who left this hole in the cell wall?
  7. School isn't all good

    I had a friend who hated going to school. He told his mother that he didn't want to go as all the boys & girls bullied him & called him names. His mother said that he had to go as he was the headmaster.
  8. 3ws The Manner House

    requiring the use
  9. birds

  10. Hijack 1

    It may betoken good luck, but not for the spider I'd expect, with the coming of the large hand to squash it or brush it off, accompanied by a good bit of screaming.
  11. The mosque example is aposite to this Peter Clarke's case. Because the police were restrained by CCA, there was a period of three years where Abu Hamza & his supporters were able to say what they liked about what had happened, unhindered by any response from the police or government, giving them time to build up a greater degree of support within the muslim community. It would've been good if some meaningful response could've been made earlier to try an counter these people's efforts. Indeed the police had wished to, but they kept to the requirements of the CCA. In the radio podcast, much was said about proofing juries from interference. In the United States, a few states allow jurors to be interviewed outside the jury room by the media while they are about their deliberations & jurors there may give opinions. There is no evidence from those states that such activity is affecting defendants' abilities to receive fair trials there. Perhaps the proposal first made in the 1980's of "professional" juries might help, if enough people could be convinced that they could be trusted to return fair verdicts?
  12. Ronnie Biggs refused parole

    If Biggs & co were the same age that they were in the 60's & were to commit the same crime, or something similar, now I think they wouldn't have been sentenced to anything like as long as they were. Indeed, commentators in 1963 had said that the sentences they'd got were steep. It was thought by some that the Establishment had wanted to send out a warning to any others - this was the beginning of the so-called "Permissive Society" - to 'keep their place'. Certainly the sentences were not uncalled for. The train driver had been repeatedly battered & later died. What upset me as a ten year old boy, & in later years, was listening to lots people expressing a wish that the driver had died within a year & a day of the robbery & then all of the robbers could've been hanged. I was of the view that the driver shouldn't have died at all. But, yes, it has amazed me how attitudes have changed in regards to what is a fitting sentence for various offences. Although various governments have interfered greatly by providing sentencing policies designed to cut the spending they've needed to make on imprisoning people, I've often lately become of the opinion that some judges seem to approach sentencing in the manner of having closed their eyes, crept forward little by little, then administered a sharp slap on the wrist & then retreated rapidly out of harms way. Perhaps this because of a culture within the judiciary resulting from that interference? If it is, there is no wonder so many people don't worry too much what happens to them after they've been arrested.
  13. Click Bankers who return to excessive ways will be 'brought back to earth', warns Alistair Darling........... That'll be interesting. Perhaps they could then tell Darling what it's like, as I'm not sure what planet he's on.
  14. NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.) Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often. 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize". 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs. 7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers. 11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself. 12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion. 13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it). 14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. 15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). 16. Last but not the least, and for heaven's's Nuclear as in "clear" NOT Nucular. Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.
  15. It's OK. I've paid the electricity company's bill, so you'll be able to use the computer again.
  16. 3ws The Manner House

    until the fuse
  17. Mixing "Toys" and Power Tools

    It would make my leg very stiff, or at least I think it's my leg.
  18. birds

  19. 3ws The Manner House

    into a maelstrom
  20. RSPCA Involved

    Yes, thanks Fenris. I was mistaken there.
  21. Here's a link to a BBC TV programme, The Daily Politics (with Andrew Neil) showing two commentators giving their views on Boris Johnson's progress. Please use the other links at the bottom of the BBC page, as there are other relevant videos available there.
  22. There were ten candidates, though only two made it through to the final round. I dare say that when the next election comes about there'll be a similar number of candidates.
  23. Snoring

    I've been doing a little research into cures for snoring. Some of the 'cures' are bordering on the bizarre, like this one: and: and: ............................................. I also saw this on the same web-site, & I wondered what they may have to do with snoring: This was described as: The Big Ball Set & Rack.....I rest my...... .................................. So, I wondered, does anyone have any snoring related problems or solutions? Go on, who's a real window rattler? As regards solutions, a female colleague I worked with many years ago said that she cured a boyfriend of hers of his snoring by using both feet to kick him out of bed. After her doing this six nights running he got message & stopped. She also got the message & dumped him soon after.
  24. Snoring

  25. 3ws The Manner House

    into the door