Campervan I have just Joined this forum having come across this website by Chance. I don't know you and neither do any of the other contributors but all of us have a bit of an idea of what you are going through as we all appear to be part of the same family. I used to Represent you Guys and Girls at a level that most would love to do but dare not. I wasn't frightened to tell the Truth and highlight the failings go Management and Those who failed us My reward was to have the Establishment join forces and try to destroy Not only my Reputation but also me because thats what happens in this wonderful World of our - Freedom of speech but don't you dare take it up! Well thats just a little Intro; My Friend Campervan You are clearly is a very bad place - I've been there and you need some help and reassurance because although you may have a lot of Friends and maybe a close family and Colleagues you are in a very lonely place - How do I know because I've been there and very very near the Brink! Some of the things you say resonate with me and clearly resonate with others in the same Job as you! Anticondem and Dollydog have suggested some helpful hints; When you are in a dark place making sensible decisions and thinking straight doesn't come easy; So find someone you can talk to. Do you have someone in the Job that you are real good friends with if so Meet outside of work and talk through your concerns over a pint or a coffee - some Fed Reps are really good and will talk to you in Confidence. Occupational Health sadly are often a complete waste of time. If you don't trust colleagues for any reason talk to a mate outside the Job in confidence always good to bounce ideas off of the wall. I had one year to go and to me at that time it felt like 10 I felt like a caged animal I would have done anything to get out I went to bed Depressed and was Greeted with the same Depression when I awoke and the Thought of going to book on duty for another shift - It didn't matter which they were all the same continued to feel me with Dread. So I Met a Great Fed rep mate and talked through what I was going through many in my force had an idea but not the Gravity of how it all affected me. We put together a plan on how I would get through the next 12 Months - It was like planning the Great Escape and that exactly what you need to do. My friend as I stated you don't know me but if I could get through it for just one last year so could just about every cop and that Includes you. Sit down with a Diary for the whole of your Final Year; Highlight in what colour you like every Rest Day then put in your 30 Days holiday If you work a bank Holiday then thats another Two more days to high light. If you pay into the Police Convalescence Home get down to your Doctor and get Diagnosed with what you are suffering from Depression PTSD whatever it is and get them to recommend you for some Urgent Convalescent Care that should be another Two weeks. Keep going for as long as you can before going sick unless you need to Immediately. If you need to immediately then do so take Two to Four weeks off. In this time Don't go into work don't take calls from work unless you have to. Thats another 14/21 days that you can highlight on your Calendar. If you do overtime build up as much Time off in Lieu as you can and any day you go in and can't face the whole shift take half off. Is there an old school senior officer that you can confide in - if so try and get them on your side be careful not to indulge anything that can be thrown back at you; see if you have experienced something bad at work then see if you can get some Counselling with a year to go it will have to be the deal you make in your own head that sometimes to get out the other end is it really that bad telling someone that you are finding it difficult to cope - That could be another 8 - 12 half days whilst you get some counselling. If not through work ask your Doctor if not through your Doctor then there are many voluntary Organisation that either offer5 counselling services for free or quite cheaply. If I have mis interpreted what you are going through then please accept my apoligies but you could do worse that write on forums such as this and talk about things that concern you with anonymous colleagues! I will conclude by agreeing with most of the comments that have been contributed as for many many years you have paid into your Pension and for the sake of Just hanging on for 12 months...........look at all those highlighted days.....It will be far from anywhere near 12 Months1 Good Luck my Friend keep your eye on the light at the end of the Tunnel it will get Brighter every day!